As I've said in the past I have never had an issue with sharing my feelings and our lives with our family and friends and whoever chooses to read it. I would have hoped that my personal blog would never be used against me in any way but perhaps that was a naive thought. I know this continues to be the internet and I feel like I've never had anything that I've said on here that I wouldn't have said in person to someone. In the end I am only voicing my personal feelings and what I have been though.
Tomorrow, I will start a new chapter in my life and move on to a new job at a new company. I've never done that before. I started with my first company almost 10 years ago. I was just 20 years old, not even old enough to drink when I joined. There are certainly many reasons for me wanting to move on to a new company and not that I need to justify my reasons to anyone as I'm sure many people would understand. No longer are the days of lifetime employment where people stay with one company for their entire career. What works for you at 20 doesn't always work for you at 30, as was true in my case. Don't get me wrong I was very fortunate to have a good career with an extremely solid and reputable company for 10 years. I got a lot of good experience that opened many doors for me in terms of even thinking aout leaving. But it was also time for a change to see what else is out there and find something that is a better fit for me.
The absolute biggest factor for me in looking for a change was working from home full time. This just was not a fit for me. Both from a job perspective but also from a personality perspective it was not a match. And I think most people would understand that. I was stuck at home for days on end without seeing another person. The only time I would get out of the house would be to go to the gym. There was no interaction of seeing people at work and talking to them about projects or even just life. There was no routine of getting up and getting dressed in the morning. I would get up and just lie in bed usually till about 8:00 when I would throw on some crappy clothes, take Rocky out and then head down to the basement. It truly was so isolating and depressing. I am a people person, I need and want to be around people and work with them on a daily basis. I am not opposed to going into the office. This alone had such a huge impact on me and my life.
Which leads me to my next point, some separation in our family. With Mike working there as well there's separation for us. Often there's many days, if not the majority when we are both working from home. That's a lot of time to spend together. To know if the other person has had a good day or bad. To not go to work and come back home and sit down and have a meal together and discuss your day. We lost all of that.
My job literally made me upset and depressed. I am not afraid to admit that. It made me cry at times. Maybe some people would look at that as silly, but I am being perfectly honest. I know that everyone has tough times at work, which is why it is work, but still there was very little that I enjoyed about my job lately and I'm not going to get into the specifics of it. I tried my very best to make the best of it, and I never gave up or stopped trying while I was there, but quite honestly I wanted more and I do feel that I am capable of more than I was handed. But the mental aspect of the job and being home alone every day really got to me. It was extremely difficult for me at times to try to remain positive. I was grateful that I had a job and one that paid the bills and that I was not out of work. It was difficult on my friends, family, and especially my husband to watch me go through this and to be so unhappy at my job and the situation was in.
I tried my very hardest to get out of it, and it took a long time. Longer than I was expecting that's for sure. Although I did have some opportunities presented to me last year I don't think I was fully ready to move on, and also due to my financial obligations. Over the last two years I ended up interviewing in person at over 9 different companies. They were all extremely well known and prestigious companies. The interviewing part itself was also a long and stressful process as well. Many hours spent preparing for the interviews, the logistics of getting to and from the interviews. And the sitting through the countless hours of questions and interrogations, plus waiting to hear back from the companies as well.
In the end it took almost 5 months for it to work out with my new company. Five long months of back and forth and waiting and the anxiety of not knowing if it was going to work out or not. I tried to remain as optimistic as possible, although there were a couple of times were it did get very difficult. But I know that some things in life are worth waiting for and the timing of it worked out all the better for me, and financially as well, it was worth the wait. I am glad that I will start my 30s in a new job and in a better place in my life, one that I know I will be happier in.
All that said I know I am walking away on my terms and with good experience that helped open doors for me. I really don't feel the need or want to get into all of the specifics of my role and the situation that I was in. I am excited to move on to a clean start with a new company. One where I wil be able to be in an office with a team. One where I can hopefully have an impact and will be a better fit for me all around especially personality wise. So far from what I can tell I'm very excited about the team and environment, out of all the companies I interviewed with I truly believe this one was meant to be and this is the place for me.
I do want to put the past behind me and not talk about it again. All of my friends and family have been extremely supportive to me during the difficult time that I was going through. They supported me and listened to me vent and provided words of wisdom. For that I cannot thank them enough. I am lucky to have such wonderful family and friends. And I know Mike is the happiest of them all to see me move on so he can finally stop hearing about it all this. I'm very excited to start my new job tomorrow and see all that it brings!
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